Literature Review

The first book I attempted to read was, “El Llano en llamas” by Juan Rulfo. I then decided that I would get the English version because it was taking too long to read in Spanish. They didn’t have any at either library in Provo so I ended up purchasing a cheap copy off of Amazon so I could read the English version, “The Burning Plain.” When it finally arrived I started reading and realized it was somehow not the same version I was hoping to get. This book was a compilation of Juan Rulfo’s short stories instead of the complete story of “El Llano en Llamas.” I was able to read a few of these short stories and then see some underlying themes.

I was really surprised while reading. The literature is just different then what I am used to. I had a harder time following the plot and understanding the main ideas. The first thing I noticed was that all of the main characters were male. Every single one of the main character was a male and many of the stories had a connection to some male relationship. For example, a few brought in the dynamics of father and son. One even mentioned the grandfather, father, and son. This was common theme in all the short stories.

I think this comes up so frequently in this literature because in this culture the males are considered higher than the women. I could see how males would be considered more important. There was little reference to women. When the reference was there the focus was still from the angle of the male character. It was very interesting to me to see this. I know that in these cultures you talk to men differently and they are in a sense higher than the women, but I could really see how that is because of the way things were written in Juan Rulfo’s stories.

There was also a lot of reference between good versus evil. A lot of the characters were doing bad things, but were almost looked at as the good guys. There was frequently a fight between the common man and the government. With the men that were fighting against the government as the good guys. This makes sense because multiple times in this society the people were going against the government. The government was usually considered bad. You could really see that coming through the literature.

I also noticed simple things like the focus there was a destruction and distress. I found a lot of the reading very gory. There was a lot of fighting, and the descriptions were a bit more descriptive than your literature from say, America or England. I do think a lot of people from this culture have lived more difficult lives. They had things that were more difficult to deal with because of economical situations and their geographical location.

It was very interesting to notice all of these things. I wouldn’t have thought about these differences if I hadn’t read with the specific intent to see the culture come through the literature. It was a good experience to read and notice this stuff.

Trying and Failure

I totally need to get out all of my frustration. I feel horrible again! I cannot believe how hard this process is! I don’t think I’ve ever tried so hard and failed so much. As I’ve thought about my life I don’t think I’ve ever really failed at something I was trying to do well in. Sure there were things I wasn’t good at, but I always seemed to do well in those things where I had put forth the effort. This is something I want to do and it’s like I keep trying and trying and I’m getting nowhere. I put forth the effort and I end up back at the beginning. Today seriously felt like I had been chewed up and spit back out. My IRB was “tabled” by the class. For good reasons too! I felt like it should be “tabled” as well. The process we went through was good. Everything they said was helpful and I needed the feedback. I was tabled because I’m not where I need to be with my proposal. I’m still missing a significant amount of research to back me up and I haven’t narrowed things down enough in my methods. There are so many things I haven’t considered and planned out.

I know what direction I am going to go. I get what I’m going to do, but I guess I just feel tired that I keep trying and I’m still not where I want to be. I’m not where I want to be with the product. However, I do realize there are a lot of things I am learning through the process. As much as I seem to feel frustration and hurt right now I am grateful for the process I’m going through. I am truly starting to understand how to research and conduct my study. It was need to talk with Maggie today and understand how to funnel things down in my research as well as what I will be doing in the field. I think I’m starting to understand the process and how to get to the product because I have failed numerous times. When I say, “failed” I mean that I thought I had things figured out and I knew what I was going to do, when I realized I don’t have things figured out and I’m not where I want to be (I hope that makes sense).

I’ve felt like there are two sides to the class. There is the research side where you have to know how to research and prepare your study. Then there’s the other side, which I love, where you learn about observations and how to do research in the field. I want to dive into the side that I love but I can’t until I understand the side of research and how to properly prepare and carry out a study in the field. As much as I don’t seem to like this process of trying and failing through research I see its value and importance.

I’m typing this entry up at the park and I just observed a little boy around 4 yrs old deal with an interesting situation. He was trying to get around some rocks and up a hill to get to his father. He slipped, tried about two more times, lost his balance, and then slipped again. Finally he turned and went around the rock the other direction. A few thoughts came to mind. He tried a few times and failed. I’ve been doing that with my proposal. He had to change the direction he was going, or the method to get to his father. The route I’m going needs to be changed just a bit more and then I’ll get to my objective. Interesting how you can learn so much through observation. The great thing about this situation is that the little boy didn’t get frustrated. He just kept trying. Wow, if only I could be like a child, determined without complaining.

In Mexico I’m going to get frustrated. I’m going to feel like I’m trying and trying and that I keep falling. I will need to remember to keep things in perspective. I’m glad I came to the park. It really helped me calm down. When I’m in Mexico and I’m frustrated I’m going to need to find time to enjoy nature and ponder the situation. Writing these feelings out also helped me greatly. Field study notes and daily journal entries are going to be very helpful to me. Most importantly when I’m in Mexico I’m going to try to remember this little boy. I want to try and try and try again, and I don’t want to complain while doing it. Oh, the adventures to come and the things to be learned! Now this is getting good!

Camping, What a picture! 5/27/11

We have discussed the importance of painting and accurate picture of the place we will be going to complete our field study at. This is important to do so that when we arrive we can make better headway because we see things how they really are. Our research becomes in more accurate due to a correct picture. I have thought a lot about the picture I am painting for Mexico, much of it is still incomplete, but I’m realizing that it is important to gather correct information before I get to Mexico so that when I am there I am better able to research.

I gained more insight into the importance of this during my camping trip this last weekend. This trip was so interesting because we had eight different people who all had different ideas of what camping, or this “picture,” should look like. The main three points that became issues were the food, the campsite, and the activities of the trip.

The group had tried to plan food and what we would be eating at each meal. However, some of the items, such as pans to cook the food in, were left behind. This was frustrating to some of the girls from the trip who thought, “The boys can’t even remember to bring a pan to cook food in?” In comparison one of the gentlemen I talked to said something to the effect of, “Why don’t we just eat the basics and get by?” I should note that he enjoyed his oatmeal packets with cold water for breakfast. It was fast and easy, there were no preparation or pans necessary. I myself am used to eating good food when camping. Amazing homemade Dutch oven meals, yum! Each one of us had our own understanding of what the food should look like and that in turn impacted what activities we thought we should be doing during the camping trip.

Those who wanted more of a meal had this idea of sitting and visiting around the campsite. This is in comparison with some of the gentlemen who wanted the food preparation simple because all they had expected to do was hike the entire day. Wasting time to cook was not on their agenda. I found that I enjoy the nice meal, but when I got there I didn’t want to sit around the campsite, I wanted to spend the majority of the time hiking. I felt like my view of camping was in the middle of the extremes I seemed to be observing.

There was also this conflict of where we should stay. We arrived late on Friday night. The Friday night of Memorial Day weekend, so it was busy. There were not really any spots left and we ended up camping on this ridge. It was pretty much the backyard of the campsite director’s home. Some of us wanted to be more secluded. Others were fine with where we were. This was discussed frequently on Saturday as to whether we should pick up camp and move to a new sight, or stay where we were. Since some had the idea of cooking and staying around the campsite, it seemed silly to move, there was way too much stuff. Others, who had the fast simple meals and ideas of hiking all day thought, “Why not move? You just pick up your sleeping bag roll and move it to a new location.”

It was clear to see that many things factored into our idea, or our “picture,” of camping. What we did when we got there was determined by that picture. I am beginning to understand that how I view my field study area and culture will factor into how I act and respond when I am there. I want to get a clear picture so that when I get there I do what would be most appropriate in that situation. This way my research becomes more accurate.

I realize as well that my picture will probably not be completely accurate. I am going to have to adjust it once I get there. It is important that I am aware of this. If I wouldn’t have been flexible with this camping situation it could have turned into a frustrating one. I tried to have an open mind and see things from other people’s viewpoints. It made it easier to change my own understanding and adjust to the real picture we were actually in. I need to do that in Mexico. As I adjust my understanding to fit there’s then I will see the correct picture and get more out of my experience.

Anyone could have looked at this trip and though it was a bunch of drama, but I really feel that it was a wonderful situation to learn from. I saw new perspectives and understood new things all because I tried to understand the picture I was in.

Reflexivity- seeing things the way they see them

As I am doing my research in Mexico it is imperative that I see things the way they see things. If I allow my own characteristics to see and interpret the situation the research gathered will not be accurate. We learned about this in class, reflexivity means that in some part my own characteristic can affect what I see and how I interpret my observations. In truth it would be impossible not to have this affect my research a little. Even if I try hard not to let it, to some extent it will impact my observations, but my goal is to try to keep that affect to a minimum. I really must see things from their cultural views.

It is not fair to take my cultural rules and apply them to their situation. I must come from their cultural views to see the situation. I have wondered a lot about this. At work I have talked with a couple of coworkers about my plans in Mexico. Many of them have tried to tell me how I must do this or that to better the situation and help them learn how to work with children who have disabilities. This is not my purpose in going, nor would it be correct to do, if it were my intention. I am a guest in their culture. To go there and tell them what they are doing or not doing according to our cultural rules here would be completely unethical. However, at the same time I realize that because of my educational background and understanding it will be very difficult for me to not look at them and the situations from my perspective. I am afraid I will judge them, and judge them inappropriately because I will be trying to apply my cultural understanding to their cultural situation. I know that they are not where we are in how we view children who has special needs. If I look at it from our cultural views and understanding I might easily feel and judge what they are doing to be wrong. But, if I look at it from their cultural views and understanding it is very likely that I will have a different feeling toward them.

I am afraid that I will see children in hard situations there. At those times I might feel they are being neglected or mistreated because of lack of understanding in that culture of that child’s capabilities. I have a hard time seeing these tough situations. It makes me almost physically sick when I think about it. It will be difficult for me to see children in these situations and not want to share my input or understanding of how to help them learn and grow. Yet, that is not my purpose there. I wonder where the balance lies. Part of me says, "Shouldn't I help to better the situation for these children?" The other part says, "To try to better the situation would be applying my cultural beliefs to their cultural situation and that would be unethical." Tough stuff! When I find myself in these situations I will need to remember to look at that situation from their cultural views, not mine. I want to keep as much of my own characteristics and interpretations out as possible when gathering and presenting the research I will gather.

Painting a Picture

Two people can go to the same place in the world and come back painting two completely different pictures to those who are wanting to learn what it was like in that part of the world. Last night I did something brave and bold that I don't generally do. I was in my room when I overheard my roommates friend talking about China. He was saying more or less his opinion that women have more equality to men in the work force in China then in most places of the world. Now I do not know if this is true or not, but I can tell you that when I lived in China teaching English that was not what I felt or observed as my view to be the case. Normally when I do not know a person too well I am hesitant to step in and share my views. I probably would have stayed in my room listening to their conversation only making rebuttals in my mind. However, in class I'm learning that it is okay, even good, to challenge others views and share my opinion. So I walked into the living room and began talking with him. I asked him questions and tried to understand why he felt the way he did. Then I shared some of my feelings and views as well. It was a very good experience. I was able to gain insight into new areas and I considered points that I hadn't considered before. Afterwards I thought. "Isn't it interesting how we can both go to the same place/culture and more or less come back with different views and interpretations." Because of class discussions I have started to ponder this concept or painting a picture. What type of picture do I currently have of Mexico and the place I will be staying in Mexico? Is this picture accurate? Am I glamorizing what my field study will be like? What type of picture will I paint for others of my experience when I come back? Will it be true to the experiences I went through while living in Mexico? I know that I have some faults assumptions and I hope to change these before I get to Mexico. I must admit that during class on Monday when I saw pictures of Mexico and the places I might be staying at I realized that I have painted a faults picture. I am changing some of my views because I'm beginning to see things as they really are. That is exciting. I have to acknowledge the faults assumptions I have made so that when I arrive in this area of Mexico I can get the most out of my experience because I see things as they really are. I hope that after my field study the picture I try to paint will be as accurate and true to the real thing as it can be.