Participant Fear

As a participant in a new situation it can be scary to make a decision and act. It's okay to acknowledge that fear, but it should not stop me from acting. Yesterday I had the opportunity to participate in a new situation. I went to a Brazilian family’s home to join them for Sunday services. Most everything was new and as a participant in this situation at times I was unaware of what was expected or appropriate. I was afraid to do something incorrect, but I realized as a new participant, even when I did not understand everything, I needed to decide what to do and make a decision to the best of my abilities.

I didn’t know all of the expectations, so I had to make a decision based off of the knowledge I had. I was unfortunately running late. I had left a family gathering at my sister’s home like an hour away. I planned to get to the service on time when it started at 8pm, but due to rain I had to slow down when I was driving and my arrival time was later than I had hoped. I was around 10 min. late. When I got to the door I stood there for a second. I heard singing coming from inside. It was clear they were in middle of their worship service. I was afraid to knock on the door to interrupt what was going on. As well I remembered that last time when I had come with my friend to meet them she had knocked on the door and the mother of the family told her she didn’t need to knock as we were lead into their home. I was thinking, “Is it okay for me to just walk into their home?” I had only met the family briefly the previous time before when I had came to their home. It was okay for my friend to walk in, but I was not as acquainted with them. Would it be appropriate for me to walk in not having established a good relationship with the family yet? Would it be offensive? I did feel like it would also be inappropriate to knock on the door in the middle of the service and interrupt them. I was a guest, a late one at that. How would they feel about me knocking to interrupt them? There I was standing at the door unsure or how to act, not knowing what would be appropriate in this situation. “Do I go in?” or “Do I knock?” I decided to just do it. I lightly tapped twice and quickly pushed the door open. I let myself in and found my way to the couch. I smiled at the mom who was playing the guitar. I saw my friend and quickly sat down next to her and began singing songs. I jumped it to do what they were doing, singing words to songs I had never sung before.

After the service they invited us to join them for dinner. I was again unsure of what to do. My friend was talking to the father in the living room while the mother and children were in the kitchen getting dinner on the table. I wanted to go help in the kitchen, because in a new home I always feel more at ease if I’m helping do something in the kitchen. Yet, my friend was still sitting talking intently to the father, the one who had addressed us during the service. Was I supposed to stay and visit? Is it a guest place to help out? Would I offend the father if I didn’t stay and visit with him? I wanted to help out, but I wasn’t sure what I should do. I waited, trying to feel out what to do. A few minutes later my friend said, “I should help in the kitchen.” That was my cue that it was okay to get up and help. I said something like, “Me too!” and jumped up to help out. I suddenly felt more comfortable and at ease.

As I was helping the mother asked me to put ice in this bowl. I figured it was to go onto the table, but in my family we always would put the ice directly into the cups. This bowl looked nice so I assumed that instead of carrying the bowl to the table to feel the glasses with ice I was supposed to just put the bowl on the table. But what do they use to get the ice out? Again more questions. The bowl is supposed to go on the table right? Do they need something to get the ice out? I was unsure of what to do. We have been learning in class that in these new situations we can’t be afraid to act. I was a little afraid but I realized I should act so I did. I found a spoon and put it in the bowl. As I was ready to walk to the table with the ice Sam, their son, stopped me. Apparently they have tongs they use to get the ice out. He mentioned where I could find them. I got them and replace the spoon with the tongs.

How neat it was to have made decisions to act. At points during the night I felt this almost nervous feeling because I did not know what to do. I realized though that I had to act. I had to decide when I arrived to enter without really knocking and waiting to come in. I had to decide to help or not help in the kitchen. I had to decide to get a spoon and put it in the bowl. Each of these decisions was made through observation and analysis. Sometimes the conclusions were correct and sometimes they weren’t. It was good though. It is not horrible to make an incorrect judgment. People will understand. And just like Sam informed me to use tongs instead of a spoon, I feel like there will be many people around me in these situations that will be trying to help me understand what it is that I’m supposed to do. I should not be afraid to make a judgment call and act.